Tag Archives: Rituals

4 Year old explains the real reason behind ‘bidai’ at Indian weddings

reason behind bidai

Last week we attended a wedding at Mysore. A unique multi-cultural wedding where the groom was Sikh and the bride hailed from a Kannadiga family – a matrimony of not just two people but of two states, two cultures and two ideologies! And it was fun!

It was a treat to watch the two families accept each other with hearts wide open. The Pagri cland groom happily adorned the silk Panche (a garment wore on lower body in South India), while the bride all dolled-up in a Kanjeevaram saree happily flaunted her Choora (a stack of traditional red and white bangles worn by the Punjabis). And together they took the Saptapadi at a temple followed by Anant Karaj at a Gurudwara. Love triumphed yet again! Yay!

Autumn

While the entire clan was enjoying the celebrations, H had some observations, particularly about the concept of ‘Bidai’ (The ritual where the bride leaves her maternal home to go to the groom’s house.) My four year old couldn’t fathom why this bunch of happy souls including the pretty bride was suddenly shedding tears!

I tried to explain but she had some serious logic!

H: Mumma, why are you crying? Why is Boo (That’s how she addresses her Bua – father’s sister) crying? Why is everyone crying? (A deluge of queries that I couldn’t avoid answering after a certain point.)
Me: Because, Boo is going.
H: But you don’t cry when I go to school!
Me: You come back in the afternoon.
H: Boo will also come. She has a car. Don’t cry, you are a big girl.
Me: (In my mind) She has a point.
H to Papa: (Certainly not convinced with my answer) Where is Boo going and why is everyone crying?
Papa: She is going to her new home.
H: Everyone has a home. I have a home. Ajji has a home. Asha Ajji has a home. Masi has a home. Then why is everyone crying for her home. Bad manners, Papa!
Again she had a point!
At this juncture one of the ladies in the family jumped in with the big daddy of all reasons. “Boo is crying because she is leaving her Papa. You will also have to leave your Papa and go one day.”
H: (Almost losing it by now.) My Papa is the best, I will not leave him! Boo’s Papa must be naughty!

Oblivious to the ramblings of the big world my curious kid managed to bring back smiles on our faces with her fun conclusion to Bidai. And I left discussing the serious marriage business with H for some other day. For now, let’s blame the naughty papas 😉

Bidai happnens because Papas are naughty!  Wish life was as simple as she thinks it to be.